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FOOD & WINE

AMERICAN EXPRESS PUBLISHING

The following was originally written in 1985

A few years ago, my wife got an intriguing letter from American Express. It told her that she had very likely won the right to charge a huge amount of money on her American Express card without ever having to pay the bill. Well, it didn’t exactly say "very likely" but it was so darned positive, that was the impression we got. We had to do something in return for this opportunity, but it was no big deal.

All we had to do was renew our Food and Wine magazine subscription by charging it to American Express. My wife loves Food and Wine. She’s been taking it for years. She usually renews by sending a check, but this was too great an opportunity to pass up. There was a renewal form with the letter, so she filled it out and sent it in.

I should pause to explain that my wife doesn’t have an American Express card, but I have one and since the renewal form didn’t ask for any card number, we assumed that one of two things would happen. Either they would charge the renewal to my card, or they would issue an additional card in her name. In either event, we would have a chance at winning some big money. A very GOOD chance.

Anyway, after we sent in the form, we got pretty busy. My wife got her annual letter from Ed McMahon and of course she responded immediately. I mean, I don’t care how much you’ve got, you don’t pass up a fast ten million. Then there was the other publisher that’s been offering to send us money for years and the usual car and microwave giveaways. We almost forgot about American Express until the envelope arrived from Food and Wine. You can imagine how the fingers trembled as we opened it up, only to discover, to our horror, that it was a bill for seventeen bucks!!

We figured that this had to be some kind of glitch . After all, we were Food and Wine subscribers and they usually bill us this way. But this time we were renewing to win big bucks from American Express. Obviously there had been some sort of foul up and the American Express charge had yet to reach the F&W billing department. So we tossed the bill aside and more or less forgot about it. Besides which, it was such a busy season that there was really no time to pay attention to billing glitches. Reader’s Digest had some big money for us. Ed wrote again. (imagine, a big star like that writing us PERSONAL letters), there were more cars that we had probably won and several exciting vacation trips to consider. Even a second bill from Food and Wine went by almost unnoticed, but when a nasty DEMAND for money arrived, it dawned on us that we were not dealing with a glitch at all but a full blown BEHEMOTH attack, calling the only remedial response available to a member of the great unwashed. We had to write a LETTER.

Mr. James D. Robinson
Chairman of the Board
American Express Company
American Express Plaza
New York, NY 10022

Dear Mr. Robinson:

As an observer of the American business scene, I am truly impressed at the number of companies that have adopted the word "excellence" in an act of unselfish joint parenthood.

What a noble act. And what a word! Authors use it in book titles and are virtually assured of a best seller. Ad agencies use it in their copy and clients stand in line to renew their contracts. CEO’s use it at annual meetings and become instant folk heroes to their stockholders.

It is truly a wonderful word. One day I might write a book about it. If I do, at least one section would have to be devoted to American Express - and one chapter would surely relate the following tale of invention spawned of excellence.

My wife loves Food & Wine magazine. She wouldn’t dream of letting her subscription lapse.

Imagine her joy then, when she received notice of a sweepstakes as an inducement to renew her subscription. What excellence! Fabulous prizes. Instant wealth. The good life within her grasp. Just for renewing her F&W subscription and charging it to her American Express card.

There was a brief moment of hesitation, since my wife doesn’t have an American Express card. But the offer implied that she most certainly did, so we assumed she was being issued one automatically as a further inducement to renew F&W. What excellence! So she fills out the sweepstakes entry and renewal form, mails it in and sits back to wait for a congratulatory telegram or breathless ‘phone call.

Instead, she begins to receive requests for money. No acknowledgment of her sweepstakes entry and renewal of her F&W subscription. Just bills for seventeen bucks and "why haven’t you answered our previous letters?"

Naturally, she is confused. She knows that American Express is an excellent company but she is receiving correspondence from TWO companies using the same name. One is obviously an impostor. But is it the one offering the chance to win fabulous prizes or the one that just wants seventeen bucks?

For a while, I share her confusion. Then comprehension dawns. In its quest for even higher levels of excellence, the American Express company has begun to REPRODUCE itself. There are now MULTIPLE American Express companies offering similar but competing services - and the consumer can choose the American Express company best suited to his or her needs. (After all, fabulous prizes are a total turn off for some people). I assure her that her F&W subscription is not in jeopardy.

My wife is a suspicious type though. You see, she’s from Kansas, which isn’t far from Missouri, and she insists that I write to you for confirmation of the obvious.
Sorry about that, but I’m sure you know how Kansas women are.

As long as I’m writing, I do want to take this opportunity to thank you for letting us know about the "loseability" of American Express traveler’s checks. Without this wonderfully excellent public service campaign, I might have taken some along on my last trip abroad and wasted half my vacation time getting refunds from your branch offices and automatic refund machines. (And with multiple American Expresses, this could have taken MORE than half of my vacation time).

And to think that my wife insists that I write this letter because she has reservations about your brand of excellence

I’m looking forward to your response confirming that she is entered in the fabulous sweepstakes offered by one of the American Express companies, that her Food & Wine subscription has been renewed by either the sweepstakes company or the send me seventeen bucks company, and if by the former, that she is a big winner.

Yours etc…


We never did hear from Mr. Robinson and we never got to find out which American Express he headed up, and there was never a response to our blatant critique of the commercials they were running at the time, with Karl Malden scaring us to death about the dangers of traveling abroad with or without American Express traveler’s checks. But we did hear from a Food & Wine executive who appeared to be working for BOTH companies.

Dear Mr. Smith:

This letter is in response to your letter dated August 30th and addressed to James D. Robinson 111, Chairman of the Board and CEO of American Express Company. Mr. Robinson has directed this letter to our department for handling and response to your query.

It was our responsibility to see to it that your wife received a renewal notice for her subscription to Food & Wine. Unfortunately, an error on our part caused her to be sent a sweepstakes renewal piece designed for American Express Cardmembers; therefore, she was led to believe that she could renew her subscription, enter the sweepstakes, and be issued an American Express card. She did renew, and when our computers could not find her as a previous American Express Cardmember it instead began direct billing her for her subscription. Thus the confusion.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith, we apologize for the error which has caused you so much frustration and we would like to let you know at this time that Mrs. Smith’s name has been entered into our $250,000 Charge Free For Life 1V Sweepstakes. Also, to compensate for all the difficulties you have had to endure in securing your renewal to Food & Wine magazine, we are authorizing your present subscription to be sent to you free of charge. We trust that these steps will resolve the matter, but should there arise any further questions, please feel free to contact me again at any time,

Sincerely,

Michael Roth
Circulation

Now what can you say about an outcome like this? You’d think for the story to have a true happy ending, my wife would have been the big winner of the Charge For Life Sweepstakes, but no such luck. Still, I guess it’s a "win" because we didn’t have to sent Food & Wine seventeen bucks. But don’t you just wish that the suits who work for the BEHEMOTHS would be allowed to show just a hint of a sense of humor? Here’s a case where I was obviously NOT being serious about some of the things I was saying and yet they took them all seriously. And to think that sometimes, big time executives from major corporations are tapped for important government jobs. Secretary of State. Or Defense. Scary, isn’t it?

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